Burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles
by wonderwall234
Summary: Pathan! “Why do you always say our relationship meant nothing to either of us?” “Why do you insist on imagining it did mean something?” Peyton and Nathan deal with unfinished business..
1. Poetic justice, baby

Burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles

(this fiction is a rewrite of 1x18 'To Wish Impossible Things', I have no actual plot at the moment. Centers around Peyton and Nathan, will probably have some Nathan/Haley, Peyton/Lucas stuff in it, and also, I don't know how Peyton and Brooke's relationship is at the moment (the whole Leyton incident), but I'm making them BFF's)

And last, but not least, it's my first, be kind 

**Chapter 1: And this, my friend, is what I like to call poetic justice..**

**(After their 'mandatory' kiss, Peyton stayed for another while. During their conversation they again start to dwell on the past and a hurt Nathan asks her the one question he always asked himself.)**_ (AN: Lucas hasn't seen them trough the window yet, he'll appear later, though)_

"Why do you always say our relationship meant nothing to either of us?"

"Why do you insist on imagining it did mean something?"

"Because…" for the first time in his life, Nathan Scott was at loss for words.  
His heart was screaming 'Say it already' while his mind tried to reason with him, thoughts of Haley, girlfriend and hurt entering his mind.

"Because what, Nathan?" To say Peyton Sawyer was angry was an understatement. She couldn't believe him. He spent whole their relationship whoring around, using her for sex and hurting her. More than everyone did.  
But she couldn't linger on those sweet memories for long because it seemed that Nathan was about to say something and if she didn't shut him off quickly, things might be said, three words she had always wanted to hear, and she wouldn't be able to be held responsible for the consequences.

"Because, I love you, damn it, I love you!" he finished. Once again, Nathan's heart won. He didn't know why but it seemed like his impulsive side always won. Who was he kidding? Nathan Scott was all about impulsiveness.

Peyton couldn't believe what she was hearing. The first things she noticed was that it were actually nine words but then it dawned on her. Nathan Scott, reformed bad boy, just told her he loved her. She actually felt like laughing, crying, smiling and kissing him at the same time. But she couldn't let him in, he had built these walls around him when they were dating, well, guess what, he wasn't getting the scoop on her feelings now.

"Don't you think it's a little late for that, Nathan? Look at yourself, you have a great girlfriend. Remember her? My friend? Christ, what's wrong with you?" She let out an exasperated sigh and for the first time since he had uttered those words, dared to look up at him, to see those piercing blue eyes staring at her.

"I didn't know." He stammered. "I've been dating Haley all this time while I actually was in love with you. I'm a horrible person. I cannot believe I did that to Haley. I thought she meant the world for me." After that, he didn't know what to say anymore.

Peyton was stunned, to say at least. Was that a tear she saw? But her friend duties kicked in and she started muttering assuring words to him while she took him in his arms. More tears, surprisingly, but she let him. She couldn't help but feel jealous, finding it hard to imagine he ever broke down like this for her sake.

"You're not horrible, Nate, I told you before, you're really a great guy." The tears seemed to subside and he looked up at her, the look of pain replaced on his face by, was it hope? Maybe even lust... She didn't know, didn't even. want to know. "I…we love you." She finished lamely. And she never knew what compelled him to make this move but suddenly he was all over her. His lips on her mouth, his tongue begging access to enter, his hands roaming her body. And Peyton gave in, because no one could  
escape fate. Or destiny. She could never tell.

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"You go up, Lucas," Haley said, "I'll be there in a sec."

You know when sometimes you have the feeling that everything is going to change in just a matter of seconds? Well, that was how you could describe Lucas's state of mind. As he walked up the stairs, the feeling got stronger and his mind screamed to stop moving. You're going to hurt yourself, it was saying.  
But Nathan was up there, what could possibly be worse than getting beat up, bullied and ostracized by the basket ball team? What could be worse now, after all this time.

As the window came in sight, his mind won the battle. Karma was a bitch, after all. Or something like that, he remembered Brooke being into this karma crap. But he wasn't thinking of Brooke right now.  
He was thinking of his ex-sorta-girlfriend and his halfbrother and their vertical tango. Their game of tonsil hockey. For an aspiring writer, he was soon out of clever euphemisms. And at loss for words.  
Because he could hear Haley catching him up.


	2. I'm afraid to forget you

**Chapter 2: I'm afraid to forget you******

First of all thanks a lot for the reviews! I never quite understood why fanfiction writers practically  
beg for rating and reviewing but it's nice, the recognition.

And second of all, I know my story has a somewhat weird title so I thought I'd go ahead and explain it to you. It's a quote by one of my favourite authors Jack Kerouac:

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars..."  
****

**He wrote these words in some kind of prelude of On The Road.  
Well, onto the story, I'm afraid you'll dislike it, because it's probably very predictable but I really wanted to write my second chapter and get this story going!  
Last finale note, the title of this chapter is taken directly from the amazing song 'We Were Sparkling' by My Brightest Diamond. MBD is some hot stuff, dawg!**

Last last last, I promise, this is kind of Peyton POVish (with some Lucas POV because he saw it, remember y'all) and I'm thinking of switching to Nathan's POV in the next chapter!  
**  
**_"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." – Groucho Marx_

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It was actually quite funny. They broke up because they felt like there was nothing left between them. No emotional connection. Just sex. Good sex, though but Peyton wanted –no, needed- a soul mate, someone who she could relate to. She wanted to share CD's, books, band tees, maybe even her toothbrush on rare occasions. That someone happened to be Lucas Scott. But that seemed years ago and Peyton had more urging issues at hand. Like hands under her shirt, tugging at the hem of her pants. Adulterous ex-boyfriends. First loves. Friends of ex-boyfriends. You name it, Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer had to deal with it.

"Nathan-" She started to pull free from his grasp but he wasn't exactly co-operating.  
"Nathan, stop!"

Peyton Sawyer's heart was breaking. She didn't really get it. They were two horny teenagers making out. They still didn't have a connection. But it felt like this made it final. The end of their story. Nathan would apologize, she would lie and claim it was a spur of the moment-thing and he'd go off to visit his 'two goody shoes' girlfriend.

And she would be alone again. In her closet, drawing lies. Because this, Nathan and her, was the truth. She felt it, and she remembered the days when they just started dating. She had been infatuated by his devilish good looks and he had done everything he could to charm her. They used to talk, not about the game or the fact that his dad was going to kill him if… but about life, hopes, expectations, letdowns. It turned out that they had a lot in common. Oh, that were some days.

"Peyton…" Nathan spoke up, with a disappointed look on his face, "we need to talk about this."

And Nathan Scott continued to stun her. But she couldn't give in; she couldn't let more people down.   
Because somehow she hoped he would tell he wanted to rekindle their relationship. Dump Tutor Girl, hell yeah! But Tutor Girl was a friend, and she remembered doing something alike to another friend of hers recently.

"Look, Nathan, I'm really sorry but, you know, this is wrong, and…and it shouldn't have happened."  
She knew it was lame, but what was there left to say? She loved him, he loved her, but it seemed that they still weren't ready for it. Obstacles along the road happened in every relationship, but when the obstacle was a 16-year old girl, the only good thing in the boy's life, you don't easily get past it.

What was she thinking about anyway? Oh god, she was pathetic.

But Peyton's thinking and Nathan's moping was interrupted by a knock at the door and said obstacle looking trough the window.

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Lucas was relieved. His best friend wouldn't have to watch the scene that played before him only seconds ago. He knows he wouldn't have stopped her, this would be his prove that Nathan really is a jerk. He loved her, and he reasoned that his love justified his actions. But it hadn't been necessary.

Peyton and Nathan beat him to it, by being responsible for once. Maybe they knew he saw them. He hoped not.

"Luke? Why don't you knock? He's not going to bite, you know." God, she was smiling. How could she be happy, didn't women have a sixth sense? Intuition. Hunches that might foretell the future. But he didn't think she actually believed that Nathan was capable of cheating, on her at least.

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"Hey guys, come in."

Haley immediately walked in , gave Nathan a peck and greeted Peyton, while Lucas trailed after her.

"This really was a good idea, Luke and me had so much fun, didn't we, BFF?"  
Lucas answered her with a nod and looked at the ground.

_Does she ever stop smiling? Christ, the things I'd do to wipe that smile off her face. I bet everything is always just peachy in Haleyland._

"Since none of you lame people are going to say something…" Haley continued. Peyton raised her hand and interrupted her "Well actually," " didn't you find the weather delightful today?" she finished with a smirk. From the corner of her eye she saw Nathan smiling at her comment.

"Very funny, Sawyer, but seriously, okay, I'll start, how did your, um, date go? I hope you guys didn't do anything we wouldn't do?"

Nathan and Peyton laughed and exchanged awkward glances. Lucas said absolutely nothing.


	3. The tears in her eyes

**Chapter 3: He hardly noticed there were tears in her eyes..**

**So, chapter 3 already, I don't know whether I've ever committed myself to something this long. Ah, it feels nice. This chap will probably be absolute crap but I want to write it. Get it over with.  
By the way, italics are flashbacks!**

And I decided that Nathan didn't ask whether Peyton was into the idea of them getting back together (at that party). The rest did happen; all the LP stuff and the adorable hurt look on Nathan's face when Peyton kisses Pucas, um, Lucas. Peyton was Nathan's first, so there's no Nathan Scott deflowering by Taylor James.

The song that I'm shamelessly promoting in this chapter is **Skeleton Key by Margot & the Nuclear So and So's****. I think I'll be using this song in the next chapter, in some sort of songfic way. I usually don't really like songfics but I'll see.  
**

Nathan's POV

Eventually, all three of his visitors left to go him, which resulted in him thinking over tonight's events.

Yes, tonight had been great. He had spent the whole evening with Peyton Sawyer, artist extraordinaire and his first love. She was basically his first everything. Way back, in the beginning of their relationship, he held onto her for dear life, because he knew she was what he wanted, needed and most important, had.

But he lost her along the way. He didn't know when she stopped caring.  
That made it even easier for him to act like a jerk, and so they continued their farce of a relationship.

Nathan still loved her though, but treating her badly seemed like the only way to let her go.

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_"Hey. I'm glad you came. I knew you would. I want you to know things are going to be different for us."_

"_Did you know that my mom died tonight? Seven years ago?"_

_He couldn't say anything. Of course he knew, how could she not know that? She had told him that over a year ago, when they started going out. She told him about her dad who was always working overseas, and her mom. He had even comforted her when she cried herself to sleep on the sixth anniversary of her mom's death._

But still, he kept his mouth shut. This was one of the final steps of his master plan. Prove to Peyton that you are the jackass that doesn't care. Make her want to break up with you. Make her want to make it final this time. 'Pretend like you moved on' was the most important one, in case she felt any guilt over crushing on Lucas.

" You didn't know because you never asked,"

Wrong again. Somehow it really hurt that she didn't remember all this.

"…and you know what's the worst, Nathan? All along, I thought you would change in the end. That you would notice that this" She motioned her arms between them. "was breaking me."

He noticed there were tears in her eyes. And he saw the real Peyton Sawyer, vulnerable and real. Hurt over him. Things weren't going according plan but he couldn't change it. Peyton didn't need him.  
She needed his brother. Someone who would understand the broody way of living.

"And I wanted you to change, but not like this, I wanted you to want to change."

"Look, Peyton…" She wasn't supposed to care. Maybe he judged her completely wrong.

"No, Nathan, you can't talk your way out of it this time. And I really need to get this out. I need to get you out of my system."  


_She was crying even harder now. And although he wanted nothing more than kiss her tears away, he just stood there, watching the girl he loved slip away from him._

Suddenly, someone approached them, asking what was going on. Nathan was about to say something but Peyton cut him off. "Look Lucas, why don't you stay out of this and mind your own business for once?" You could tell that she was pissed. Nathan was really surprised by her comment. So much for Peyton crushing on Lucas.

Lucas obviously didn't notice Peyton's current mood.  
"If Nathan's bothering you, just tell me okay?" he said gently. At this Peyton let out a laugh.  
"Is Nathan's bothering me? God, you are… you really are infuriating, you know that?"  
Lucas finally saw that things really weren't okay. The Peyton Sawyer he knew would never say things like this, especially not to him. Yes, she had witty comebacks but she wouldn't say something to intentionally hurt his feelings.

"Peyton, maybe we should talk about this later?" Nathan asked. It really seemed like a bad idea at the moment, one bitter girlfriend and two half-brothers who couldn't stand each other in the same place, at the same time.

But Peyton Sawyer wasn't ready yet. "We're not done yet," she yelled, tears falling down, "and neither are we." She said looking at Lucas. "You, I know you think all this has something to do with you but guess what? It's not about you for once. So just back off, like I asked you in the first place." The eldest Scott brother realized that maybe he didn't know this girl after all.

"And you, I hope you know I really loved you, and that I believed we could work it out at some point, but it just isn't there anymore, is it?" Say something, Nathan. You know you love her more than anything.  
You just want to make her happy. Somehow he still believed Lucas needed to be there for her in order for her to be happy.

And then she just left, walking to her car and speeding off in the night, leaving both Scott brothers more confused than ever.

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Nathan never actually knew how Peyton had made Lucas forgive her, but he eventually did (forgive her) because after a while he always saw them together at school. And he felt proud, for letting the girl he loved be happy.

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**And that my friends, is a wrap ********  
I hope you enjoyed it! It kinda sucked I know, and I'm sorry!**


End file.
